'I Hate Spikes'

If you've ever uttered this, you're a doof. Straight up. You're a lot like a Spike, except instead of just hating losing, you hate losing to someone who doesn't give you enough room, or time, to enact whatever horse-hockey plan you concocted your deck around. What you hate is monkey wrenches thrown into your Rube Goldberg machine, or, MaRo forbid!, being killed before you can barely get started. Your ideal is a lower-interaction game, where you, and your like-minded opponent, can assemble your four-card combos, rez your Akromas, or build your giant thallid army, and smash them together to great effect, and in your hatred of a poor sport Spike, you have become something of a poor sport yourself.

But I forgive you! There is nothing wrong with enjoying that style of play. It's fun! I know part of the reason why you think Spike is a big meanie. It's because you showed up to FNM with your giant deck, and after some turd of a Spike (ironically) stomped on you with faeries, he sneered at you. Dearest little Timmy (Johnny? Vorthos?), that guy's problem isn't that he's a Spike, it's that he's an asshole! Don't let him sour you against all Spikes. Some Spikes have a deep love of flavor, 8-mana fatties, and convoluted combos nestled deep in their anorexic hearts, and will not only admire your stubborn refusal to netdeck, they will discuss your deck (after they beat you) in a friendly manner, and offer some ways to improve it within your themed framework.

A big part of your dissatisfaction is Wizards' fault. The encouraged FNM format is Standard, which doesn't leave a lot of room to all the fun decks coming out of left-field. Talk to whoever organizes your FNM with a gang of like-minded players. Request an EDH, two-headed giant, or massive multiplayer night. The Spikes shouldn't be the only ones winning the FNM foils. It could be worse. I lived in a city where there was a large amount of old-guard P9 players. FNM was vintage, no proxies. Try showing up every week and having to square off against Moxes and Black Lotuses with your feisty goblin deck. Actually, it was worth it for every time I Pyroblasted a Force of Will.