'I Hate Spikes'

If you've ever uttered this, you're a doof. Straight up. You're a lot like a Spike, except instead of just hating losing, you hate losing to someone who doesn't give you enough room, or time, to enact whatever horse-hockey plan you concocted your deck around. What you hate is monkey wrenches thrown into your Rube Goldberg machine, or, MaRo forbid!, being killed before you can barely get started. Your ideal is a lower-interaction game, where you, and your like-minded opponent, can assemble your four-card combos, rez your Akromas, or build your giant thallid army, and smash them together to great effect, and in your hatred of a poor sport Spike, you have become something of a poor sport yourself.

But I forgive you! There is nothing wrong with enjoying that style of play. It's fun! I know part of the reason why you think Spike is a big meanie. It's because you showed up to FNM with your giant deck, and after some turd of a Spike (ironically) stomped on you with faeries, he sneered at you. Dearest little Timmy (Johnny? Vorthos?), that guy's problem isn't that he's a Spike, it's that he's an asshole! Don't let him sour you against all Spikes. Some Spikes have a deep love of flavor, 8-mana fatties, and convoluted combos nestled deep in their anorexic hearts, and will not only admire your stubborn refusal to netdeck, they will discuss your deck (after they beat you) in a friendly manner, and offer some ways to improve it within your themed framework.

A big part of your dissatisfaction is Wizards' fault. The encouraged FNM format is Standard, which doesn't leave a lot of room to all the fun decks coming out of left-field. Talk to whoever organizes your FNM with a gang of like-minded players. Request an EDH, two-headed giant, or massive multiplayer night. The Spikes shouldn't be the only ones winning the FNM foils. It could be worse. I lived in a city where there was a large amount of old-guard P9 players. FNM was vintage, no proxies. Try showing up every week and having to square off against Moxes and Black Lotuses with your feisty goblin deck. Actually, it was worth it for every time I Pyroblasted a Force of Will.

Warcrack Methadone

I've been off the Warcrack for a couple months now. Something that bolstered me in my fight was Torchlight, a fun little Diablo knock-off created by Runic Games. Just when I was getting bored with it, I started exploring the available mods, and there are a lot! Players can create new maps, monsters, and even new classes! Definitely worth checking out the demo.

Spell Pierce=Noob?

So I was playing my Turbo Fog deck against some dude on MWS that wanted to test his jund deck against other 'top tier' strategies. He played first. Turn three I drop a Howling Mine, leaving a Glacial Fortress untapped, with a Spell Pierce and a Path to Exile in to my hand. I'm feeling pleased with myself. Ready for anything. Next turn he plays a Bloodbraid, cascading into a Blightning, which I obviously Spell Pierce the hell out of. To which he responds, 'Spell Pierce maindeck=noob,' and disconnects, depriving himself of the swarm of derision I was conjuring in retort.

The moral of this story is that this guy missed out on learning how to play against something that worked well against him because of his biases. Did he call the person at the tourney that beat him with Turbo Fog a noob too?

Creeeeeeepeeeeeee...and not me. I promise.

http://eponymousrex.tripod.com/

^THAT IS NOT ME. Nor did I steal my name from this perverse skulking photographer...in fact, I am strongly considering changing my name based on his eerie collection of surreptitious pics of...chicks' feet. I was not brave enough to read his stories of...feet...violence...and...transformation. Urrrrrrrggg.

I am now afraid of googling my real name in the fear that I will discover some squamous Lovecraftian doppelganger that likes stimulating his prostate via his urethra using pieces of wire.

Wall of Reverass

After being hit by the Bit Blast + LB combo twice, this wanker skulked off in shame.

This deck is mean. I kinda like it...but it's low on interaction. fog, fog, fog, deck you.

Beaten by a Howling Mine?!

Card disadvantage? I just played against a snazzy turbo-fog deck that had my beloved Jund deck pegged. Maindeck Flashfreezes were spoiling my every move, and they are a good idea. What decks aren't running red, green, or both? I saw some things in this deck that I really appreciated (as much as they turned everything I drew, and I drew a lot, into dead cards.) What I really liked was the addition of Time Warp. When you have a Font and a Mine or two in play, Time Warp counteracts the card disadvantage of these artifacts, plus it gives you the opportunity to put 4 counters in a row on Jace Beleren. The first game, my opponent stalled me all to hell with fog variants, got a Jace up and running, and then jumped him from 7 counters to decking me for 20 after 3 time warps in a row. It sounds unlikely, but then he drew 20 cards over the course of the 4 turns in a row that he took. That was soon followed by a pair of archive traps, and I was deaaaaad.

The Walls of Denial he sideboarded in for the second game made me even more feeble. My sideboarded Thought Hemorrhages and Duresses helped slow him down, but didn't change the fact that I have 24 damage worth of burn in my deck, and he was packing Kabira Crossroads and Sunspring Expeditions.

I just wasn't fast enough to get much creature damage in before I had a bloated hand full of useless creatures and not enough burn to finish the job. Something that would have helped me would be running more burn, and getting myself some damn Great Sable Stags.

I am currently working on a copy of this deck, so I can learn its evil secrets.

I Don't Know What Jando Is

I think this guy is from a place where they call Jund 'Jando'. Blaming the other player's deck instead of their skill is a silly thing to do. It makes you look like a wang (or 'wungo,' as this guy would call it). He didn't show me much in the way of his talents, besides playing multiple copies of Jace that may as well have read: 'Gain 2 life. Draw a card,' and discarding a Cruel Ultimatum when he was at 6 land to a Blightning.

PS: What is a Toguemon?

He Called Me Fat!?

I'd rather be fat than have a stupid name.

I Can't See the Top of My Deck

Produces black mana is not equal to black. Pretty sure he was still winning when he ran off in a huff.

Welcome to Magic Jerk!

Join me, Eponymous Rex, in my adventures playing magic cards online and sharing screencaps of conversations with the lesser dorks that I pwn. There is nothing wrong with being a nerd, but there is something wrong with being a stupid nerd.